She...

He was a confused soul, with endless lingering doubts about himself, about his feelings and about what he wants.

Then again, maybe that wasn't the case.

He just wanted to make sure what he will be doing, the path that he will be taking is the right one.

Like many others, he is so afraid of getting hurt and hurting others even more.

He has been hurt one too many times and doesn't wish to go through the same path ever again.

His mind is probably already made up long ago.

What has been holding him back is the lack of assurance and the numerous second thoughts and what-ifs that has been floating around his head.

He had a deep first impression of her.

But it wasn't the kind that turned his heart into a frenzied gallop. Nor was it the type that made him breathless.

But it definitely intrigued him.

Knowing her better made him a little more drawn to her by the day.

He definitely enjoys every minute with her. Time spent with her always gives him that feeling of warmth, that feeling of connectivity that he has never felt for such a long time.

Even though he was cool about the whole thing, deep down inside, he feels for her.

When she is down and frustrated, he feels sad inside.

When she is over the moon, he feels a sense of exhilaration.

When she won, despite countless doubts about her ability, he felt proud for her and on top of the world.

He has probably never felt like that for someone in a long while.

A long chat with a buddy and numerous confrontations with his inner self made him realise what he had wanted all along, coupled with that long-awaited boost of assurance that he had so much needed.

He is aware of the fact that deep down, she too, is afraid.

Of being hurt.

Of hurting him.

He was afraid and confused in the past.

But not anymore.

He knows she is someone he will be happy with. And he is willing to do all he can to make sure she feels the same way too.

He is confident that he can achieve that and that he will never let her down.

He hopes that he can be her listening ear, her shoulder to lean and cry on and most importantly her pillar of strength.

He is sincerely hoping to obtain her vote of confidence.

It's nice having people around you with whom you can share your thoughts or worries with. Many of us have taken friendships for granted nowadays.

I guess being overseas, away from the comfort zone, away from your loved ones for an extended period of time makes you cherish the little things in life more, especially relationships and friends.

How many of us have had the experience of our circle of friends shrinking while we are living our lives in another country?

Someone once told me that you are real lucky if you have 3 close friends with whom you can share your innermost thoughts with.

Guess I am one of those so-called lucky beings in that sense.

It's not easy sharing ideas or thoughts with others on a personal level.

But I have a lot of common ground with those whom I am comfortable with. That makes things much easier.

Here's to these lasting relationships.

This is something I have not experienced before and probably hope will not go through it in the future.

But I can kind of identify with it.

Of liking someone and caring a lot for that person.

But knowing that things are almost impossible between the two of you.

Due to a combination of factors like bad timing and the nasty twist of fate.

I guess it's still easier on the mind if you know that things are impossible because the feelings aren't mutual and you know for sure there is no point trying.

But here's the cruel twist:

You know the feelings are mutual but you still can't be together with the person because of other factors.

That has got to hurt a lot.

Here's sincerely hoping that this person finds his true happiness someday.

It has been a pretty good weekend.

No exams to study for, and no praying that things will turn out fine.

Hoping to get spooked out by watching a horror film, but was disappointed that it did not achieve its desired effect.

Oh well, it doesn't really matter anyway.

And it was back to salsa lessons again after a while and some procrastination. And I realised how rusty I was when the lessons started. But fortunately I soon got the hang of it again.

I am just hoping that the coming week would be pretty okay. A project's deadline is looming and we are all just crossing our fingers and hoping it would be alright.

Well, how has your weekend been?

Being Thankful...

I really appreciate the little things in life that I encounter everyday.

Of waking up to a brand new day, full of hope and vigour and ever so ready to face the challenges ahead.

Of not worrying about whether I will have enough to eat, whether I have water to drink or whether I will be involved in a natural disaster.

It's nice breathing in the fresh morning air while I make my way to work. The sounds of the birds, the rays of sunlight and the morning mist are all incentives for me to want to wake up early in the day to experience them in the flesh.

Saying hello to your neighbours and making funny faces at children along the way also combine to give me that sense of warmth.

There's so much to see out there.

All it takes is just some effort and a slight slowing down of our daily paces.

The sore throat's still there.

But I am feeling better now.

Granted, the exam yesterday was a disaster. And I felt really bad about myself after that. Bad because I felt I could have tried harder. Could have spent more time on preparations. Could have tossed thoughts of wanting to rest or enjoy out of my head and just focus.

I feel I have lost most sense of discipline.

I am just worried I am starting to lose focus.

About not getting my priorities right.

But I am working on setting this straight.

I feel better because of the people around me who care. And because I am not alone in this.

Of friends messaging me the morning of the exam wishing me best of luck, of others asking about how I did after that, of them giving comforting words of reassurance and cheering me up with their endless crap. These simple gestures really touched my heart.

Can't remember how many times I laughed today.

Laughter is indeed the best medicine, no denying that fact.

Just so damned relieved that it's going to be the last exam I am going to be taking for quite a while.

Black Monday...

This week didn't really start off that well.

For starters, I am already down with a bad sore throat.

It hurts when I swallow.

And I couldn't really sleep the previous night.

The first part of the exam today didn't really go that well either. I could tell that all of us were really stumped and confused by the questions.

All victims.

I have got the second part coming up later on in a few hours.

Not really in the mood to prepare for it. Guess I will just take a rest.

Well, there's the dinner tonight to look forward to, at least.

It's Friday night.

Am in the midst of my own mission impossible.

Of trying to digest and understand 5 thick files of notes within the space of 3 days for an examination on Monday.

Urghh.

What's the best method ever to do that?

Beats me.

I might just take a big pot, fill it to the brim with water, throw in some chicken bones, carrots, onions, celery, a pinch of salt and pepper and simmer this for a few hours. Then once this is done, burn the 5 files of notes that I have in this concoction and consume it like a gigantic talisman.

Wait, then again, it's a big pot, isn't it? That's really too much for me to finish.

So I shall share it with some of the others who will be taking the same examination. Brings new meaning to this term called sharing of knowledge.

Speaking of food, yesterday was a gastronomical adventure in itself.

Hadn't had such good food for quite a while.

Brazilian cuisine along Sixth Avenue.

The meats just kept coming, and coming, and coming. And there I was, just munching and munching and munching.

That's what you define real happiness.

Now why did someone complain about being discriminated against while he was there? The staff were great and their smiles ready.

Will probably stay off meat for a while. Too much of it last night.

Might just switch to the chicken soup that I have concocted.

Wondering if we have all fallen prey to the tools of modern technology.

Was trying to rectify my computer today and lots of problems cropped up to the point of frustration, which led to anger.

With the advent of technology, what with all the wireless connection, broadband and 3G phones etc etc, what have we become?

Slaves to all these contraptions perhaps?

And when the computer fails to work or hangs, what is our reaction and what do we do?

More often than not, do we work ourselves up into a fit and start getting restless and impatient?

Or do we remain cool and composed and try to find out what the real problem is?

Sometimes I just wish silently to go back to the good old days of typewriters or hand-written notes and documents.

Too much of these modern technology has given me worsening eyesight and increased blood pressure.

Need a doctor soon.