I have never really understood the meaning of true love and what it means to really love someone. These were kind of abstract ideas to me and I found it a little difficult to really grasp their true meaning.

I guess I never really found someone who meant so much to me to warrant such feelings in myself.

Until I got together with her and realised how much she meant to me.

It may sound a little scary but I have been on the verge of tears at times when I imagine if she were to just disappear or walk out of my life someday.

You may think that it is too soon for me to make such a strong statement like that but time is not really an issue here when it comes to having such feelings, is it?

It is that strong sense of connectivity that we have, the understanding that we have with each other that makes me so drawn to her.

I just want to protect her and not want to hurt her, even though I may have sometimes unwittingly done so.

And I am really sorry and hate myself for doing that.

I have never felt that way for someone before. She just gives me that feeling of warmth, that feeling of everything-is-going-to-be-alright kind of assurance.

And whenever we have any clashes, my mind immediately starts to think about what will happen if this clash would escalate to something really serious and we would call it quits.

And the thing is, this thought really scares me and makes me lost and listless, just thinking of all the what-ifs.

This may not exactly qualify as true love, but is it somewhere near there?

I just want to let her know that I am really lucky to be with someone like her.

Someone so loving, understanding and appreciative.

I will never want to lose her and just want to give my all to her.

That day's approaching.

Less than 2 weeks away.

That day had been just like any other day for the past couple of years for me.

Not much special significance, even if I really wanted it to be.

No one to share the joy with.

Well, my family actually, to share it with. But somehow something was missing.

Well, I know this year's going to be different.

Know it's going to be something memorable and unforgettable.

Before we know it, we are approaching the midway point of 2005.

I was just reflecting on how the past couple of months has been and I was a little flabbergasted at how fast this year has been.

It seemed just like a really short while ago when I was still at Chijimes, getting myself soaked in confetti, bidding farewell to 2004 and ushering in 2005.

And remembering the victims of last year's tsunami.

And making my New Year's resolutions.

And vowing to keep them and making sure I still remember them at this time of the year.

More than 5 months on and unfortunately I can't really remember the vows I made when the clock struck 1 Jan 2005.

Well, there was one I remembered actually.

Of not procrastinating.

I wouldn't really say I have succeeded totally but neither have I failed in my so-called quest.

Sometimes it can get really tiring trying to follow up on something you want to do.

I guess it takes a lot of discipline.

And maybe more.

That Book

It has been a while since I ever laid my hands on a book.

Call it lack of time, that constant thought in my head of having other better things to do and what-have-you.

But it doesn't mean I totally abhor reading. I simply relish a good book if I can find one, but they are so hard to come by these days. Books that leave a lasting impression on me are few and far between.

Until I came across this book by Nicholas Sparks.

Title is simple enough.

The Notebook.

I guess I shall not go into the details of what the story is about but what was mentioned in the book really made me think of a lot of things.

Of how two people are so much a part of each other's lives. Of passionate love.

Of how nothing ever lasts forever.

It's a really scary thought knowing someone you really treasure the most were to leave you someday, albeit not physically.

The thought that the person may just be so near you and yet you have this feeling that both of you are separated by an abyss of eternity.

Makes me want to cherish and hold on tight to that someone who means so much to me.

Just 3 simple words that I want to say to her:

I love you.

May we see each other in our dreams.

Good night.